shoe assassin fails to kill bush

props to W for mad dodging ability

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golden calf provides answers to faltering economy

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horse fart-fire trick inadvertently ushers in the apocalypse

chinese military adopts verizon network

rock embargo fails to stop palestinian intifada

white democrat candidate tries to stoke race fears

white republican candidate also tries to stoke race fears

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sportsmetrics invents the "vibrating racket"

former thundercat quits dayjob, joins feline porn trio

holy shit, my faith got me pneumonia

furrowed brow adds sense of president-ness to young senator

scheming politician panders to the often marginalized dentist vote

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bigfoot spotted, apparently having evolved better defense against germs

construction worker wishes he "knew how to quit" other construction worker

easter canceled as easter bunny caught and shot while on rampage through cabbage patch

"goddamn motorcycle" breaks down "with fucking perfect timing"

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young americans voice discontent with bush policies

african soldier extremely grateful to
christian god for the life he was blessed with

lone rebel stands against onslaught of rampaging,
fire-breathing, self-aware european cars

malnutrition reaching "even the stripiest"
animals says a UN report

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half-fisherman half-spacetime-vortex
monster plagues Edmonton beach-goers

team of monkeys take break from writing novel to catch the game

desperate to boost troop morale american
government increases size of iraq war funds

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retelling of classic humpty dumpty tale centers around
return of liquid metal cyborg egg to wipe out all the king's men

do it yourself tool kit comes with handy do it yourself guide

tuffy and poopoo coldly premeditate photographer's murder

after whirlwind tour promoting the movie adaption of the novel,
jack's beanstalk takes a well needed vacation

taco bell chihuahua wonders whether village people
cover band was the best career move

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area baby boy just can't help but love it!

area studio owner regrets hiring obsessive compulsive interior decorator

iraqi family gratefully enjoys the fruits of western freedom operations in iraq

the hunt is on for the wetfeet serial killer in dunkirk england

spanish public agrees festival change from "running of the bulls" to
"groping of the woman" amidst a spike in male sexual frustration nationwide

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iraq prisoners tortured by "gay" desert conga line

german carmaker's new suv can hold
"twice as much pope" as other models

despite terrorist explosion white dude still manages
to maintain a steady newspaper arm tuck

airbus reveals it newest, hugest, airliner model,
capable of felling three towers at once

dutch cartoon depiction of an ancient macaque
sparks major protests by evolutionists worldwide

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cyborg elephant comes from future to prevent birth of indian elephant trainer

in bid to boost membership, catholic church endorses Ahmadinejad's version of Islam

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spiderman a no show at new york tram rescue

motorist still unclear as to how motor vehicle functions

dirt speckled yellow is "the new gray" according to Homeless Weekly's fashion experts

to boost slumping sales, GM designers produce doorless concept car, complete with one side airbags, tits and legs

with total focus, area woman demonstrates the art of chinese ice-holding

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iraqi children show their support for the coalition of the willing


after several scandals, republican party re-energizes its public relations campaign


OECD provides billions of dollars worth of crucifixes in aid to africa to save the souls of the millions dying from drought, famine, civil war, aids and first world exploitation

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my first glory hole in paris

archeological find reveals hans solo was a polygamist

romantic phone booth encounter foiled by call on cell; irony keeps flames burning til call finished

after much lobbying gas stations make pumps suicide-accessible

inmates finally get what they've rioted for

catholic sees miraculous image of the virgin mary on church candle jars