deep throughts: child art

why are people making such an uproar about the hannah montana chick on vanity fair? by expressing outrage those people are simply showing their regressive, repressive natures. what's the matter with a 15yr old child star artfully semi-nude? these conservative sex-haters just don't understand the creative tension required for true art. an artist must make virtual love with his subject, young or old. people take suggestive pictures of teenagers all the time. so conservatives, your agenda is vacuous! it's time to liberate the younger generation from old fashioned ways. let us lure our children away from america's puritan playground. they're so beautiful and curious and fragile and warm and deserving of our adoring eyes.

deep throughts: fighting terrorism

in this age of terror i would fight fire with neither fire nor water; i would use something unexpected and random, like ritalin and staple removers. this would have the effect of making the terrorists fall into a super focused mood where they waste time obsessive-compulsively removing all the staples from their extremist literature pamphlets. of course, this could fail given the rise of disruptive technologies like staple-less pamphlets.

that said, there is some merit to the shock and awe approach. for example, i would pinpoint where the terrorists are hiding their jumbo jets then i would drop giant skyscrapers on top of them. imagine how demoralized they will be grappling with such irony before they are squashed: "good god, what is that falling from the sky above me? is that, an american high rise? jesus christ, is that bear stearns headquarters? i am so embarrassed. now i am dead." this strategy will probably cost less than iraq. if the budget allows we can fill the sky scrapers with subsidized pork, thus benefiting US pig farmers in the process.

Joe Gun VS Joe Control

guy1: i don't know. i feel safer with a gun in my home.
guy2: well i for one think the gov't should control that shit.
guy1: but it's for my own personal protection! that should always be a right.
guy2: the gov't can't afford to have everyday folks packing heat all the time!
guy1: but i should be able to defend myself!
guy2: i for one won't feel safe with you packing. do you have a gun on you right now?
guy1: no. why?
guy2: cuz i'm bout to rob you bitch! what you got? a rolex. give it. take off them gators too man, this ain't the steve irwin special.

current affairs guru VS regular guru

guy 1: hey man, did you hear about the troop movements toward the middle east?
guy 2: no i was busy learning about peace.
guy 1: like, peace in the world?
guy 2: no in us. in that part of us which is spiritual.
guy 1: what?
guy 2: you know what i'm talking about.
guy 1: i was talking about war in the real world.
guy 2: which is an illusion. i think only of ending the war within.
guy 1: nigga you live in the real word! this shit should concern you. what next, your body ain't real so you don't take showers? your smell ain't no illusion.