deep throughts: dolphin discrimination

let's face it. we live in a world rampant with animal stereotypes. the average joe would be surprised to find out that dolphins hate to be thought of as cute and cuddly. dolphins usually tell me that just because one guy named flipper acted all human friendly on tv doesn't mean that all dolphins are that way. "flipper. the fuckin will smith of dolphins!" they bleep.

in actuality many dolphins are hard, often having grown up in rough ocean-hoods. some dolphins even kill baby dolphins and seals, just for fun. a lot of dolphins feel emasculated and hopeless in the face of such discrimination. "why aren't we called something cool like 'killer whales' huh? why do we have fag names like 'doll-fins'? so gay." said one disenfranchised ocean mammal named Sparky, working at sea-world.

i asked him why he worked at a place that served to reinforce the stereotypes created by humans. he only shrugged and said, "a phin has got to do what a phin has got to do. i got kids to feed." then he swam out and shot into the air, the smiling snout belying the unhappiness he felt inside, as he did what was necessary to appease his human sponsors.

deep throughts: hater-blockers

man i love the club because i get to wear my hater-blockers. for all you haters out there, you probably have never seen me with my hater-blockers on because, not only do they identify and block out the haters from my vision, they also make me invisible to haters. scientists and shit say wearing frosted dark glasses in an under-lit environment just makes it "hard to see anybody". that doesn't make my point moot; it just means that science proves everyone be hating on me at the club. i love you, hater-blockers. you make me wanna wear several collared shirts and pop them all.

onion vid of the day

Evangeline Lilly Wins 'Best Wet T-Shirt Fight Scene' At Strong Women In TV Awards

captions

horse fart-fire trick inadvertently ushers in the apocalypse

chinese military adopts verizon network

rock embargo fails to stop palestinian intifada

white democrat candidate tries to stoke race fears

white republican candidate also tries to stoke race fears

doing the crushed by furniture dance

NSFW. this film contains nudity, sort of sexual content, and a scene of violence.

connect-the-dot happenings of the week

1) mysterious network outages in middle east / asia
2) positioning of u.s. warship off lebanon
3) u.s. shooting down of a satellite in space
4) saudi warning to citizens to leave lebanon
5) george bush dancing in africa
6) israel promising a holocaust in palestine

you do the math. that timeshare in beirut is not worth what the travel agent said it was.