deep throughts

it occurred to me today that nothing has really occurred to me in a while. the seeming paradox inherent in this occurrence led me to one conclusion: i have nothing to conclude. but the pleasant truth about life is that i can write about it and create an air of eccentricity around myself... an obscure intellectual allure, the sole purpose of which is to increase mating probabilities with confused readers.

if i ever do a ride-by shooting a la godfather three the victim's name better be "joey zaza" as well. else it just wouldn't look or sound as cool when you call out his name as you shoot him. imagine riding up on a horse to kill some regular guy and having to say, "hey, tom ford" or "hark, george crenshaw"... you'd have to follow that up with "i'm going to exact revenge on you with this pistol." so gay. saying "zaza!" emphatically resounds with the gunshots in a much less gay way.

i once heard of a bird who suffered from debilitating bouts of nausea. if you think deeply about this bird nausea, which you should because you never have before and you are now at a crossroad of intense philosophical cognition, you may come to an epiphany. the baby birds are probably really fat, and bird obesity could be huge a burden to the health care system of animals. there is room for more research in this area.

imagine if lots of people just mysteriously died at the hands of gunmen hanging from large kites. how thought provoking that would be.