7.19.2008

physicist solves aussie-feline-pope mystery

rumors of vatican-feline intrigue have filled the media recently. as reported in the Associated Press:
"Organizers of the Catholic youth festival in Sydney say they borrowed a gray cat named Bella to help the feline-loving pontiff pass the time at his retreat in Australia...

...But Vatican spokesman the Rev. Federico Lombardi, pressed by reporters, said he has no knowledge of any cat."

however an obscure scientist ended years of seclusion after realizing he had the key to the mystery: in reality, the pope was given Schrodinger's cat. the scientist, an expert in both physics and troglodytism, endured several minutes of social neuralgia to hold a press conference where he took questions about his discovery.

the peculiar application of quantum theory has since stimulated intense discussion on the internet fueling speculation that quantum forces have been at work in political intrigue for decades. when asked about this possibility whitehouse spokesperson Connie Founder would neither confirm nor deny.

when not asked his opinion on the matter of the pope black self-elected leader Rev. Jesse Jackson whispered furtively to the person next to him: "i don't know what all the fuss is about the pope. either he got the pussy or he didn't." the reverend then made the illustrative gesture of a pelvic thrust to emphasize his point.

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